addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
