fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
this must be what syphilis tastes like
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
