I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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