I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
