I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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