THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need to calm my uterus...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
