you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
