Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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