ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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