We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
