you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
