I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
