How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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