she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
