I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
