While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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