One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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