My hair reeks of homosexuality.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
