dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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