i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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