Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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