I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
