we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
