i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
we made out on top of his cat.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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