A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
