What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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