Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
