i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Boobs speak an international language.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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