So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
