Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me