i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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