He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.