You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.