My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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