Swine flu is the new snow day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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