Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
