you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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