That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
