i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
