I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
only you would photoshop your dick
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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