Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
