Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize