i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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