I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
