Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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