my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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