Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
