I hope mine doesn't look like that
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
