I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
