i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
