Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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