No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
