I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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