You smell like stripper and shame
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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