We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
