All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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