Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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