We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
