I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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