Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
