If i could tip my vagina, i would.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
