He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
