The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I FOUND THE LEGS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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