I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize