we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
