I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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