I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
