Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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