Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like

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(856): View more from New Jersey

It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.

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(360): View more from Washington

You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(870): View more from Arkansas

Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?

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(650): View more from California

Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.

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(845): View more from New York

Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.

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(970): View more from Colorado

It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay

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