Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I showed him my bush... on skype.

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(817): I showed him my bush... on skype. http://tfl.nu/384w

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(718): View more from New York

We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun

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(718): We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun http://tfl.nu/cluc

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(954): View more from Florida

He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.

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(954): He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up. http://tfl.nu/a8fn

Replies (13) Good night (4500) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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(905): View more from Ontario

I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"

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(905): I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by" http://tfl.nu/6dm5

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.

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(570): i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition. http://tfl.nu/mkq9

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(623): View more from Arizona

I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.

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(623): I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard. http://tfl.nu/xo35

Replies (21) Good night (2420) Bad night (629) Order T-Shirt
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(713): View more from Texas

just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal

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(713): just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal http://tfl.nu/dg00

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(330): View more from Ohio

I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.

(216): View more from Ohio

this is the second day in a row.

(330): View more from Ohio

Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.

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(330): I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza. (216): this is the second day in a row. (330): Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then. http://tfl.nu/tsfk

Replies (6) Good night (1944) Bad night (650)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.

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(301): Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level. http://tfl.nu/wvpb

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(919): View more from North Carolina

Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.

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(919): Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate. http://tfl.nu/d4gp

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(318): View more from Louisiana

At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?

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(318): At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving? http://tfl.nu/qz6b

Replies (7) Good night (2125) Bad night (391)
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(607): View more from New York

I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.

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(607): I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know. http://tfl.nu/l46m

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting

(978): View more from Massachusetts

In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you

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(201): Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting (978): In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you http://tfl.nu/ucjj

Replies (5) Good night (638) Bad night (392)
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(936): View more from Texas

The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.

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(936): The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant. http://tfl.nu/br3c

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(503): View more from Oregon

Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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(503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl

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