Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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