i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.