Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  is that a poem?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls (763): is that a poem?! http://tfl.nu/h29o
  Replies (55) Good night (7619) Bad night (1986)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (706): Just donated money to a kid for her softball team. (706): Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years... http://tfl.nu/z5u3
  Replies (34) Good night (4221) Bad night (852)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  What happened to the watermelon?

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  You fucked it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): What happened to the watermelon? (1-314): You fucked it. http://tfl.nu/pk7c
  Replies (15) Good night (2340) Bad night (4636)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night http://tfl.nu/pk50
  Replies (13) Good night (4844) Bad night (802)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again. http://tfl.nu/ehlu
  Replies (20) Good night (6264) Bad night (1015)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (610): advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back http://tfl.nu/339g
  Replies (13) Good night (4037) Bad night (1428)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see. http://tfl.nu/uq0v
  Replies (11) Good night (2407) Bad night (1214)
• Favorite

  (786): View more from Florida

  HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (786): HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM. http://tfl.nu/yhvq
  Replies (30) Good night (7230) Bad night (1041)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He does that

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (774): Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back! (508): He does that http://tfl.nu/zi1j
  Replies (4) Good night (2717) Bad night (876)
• Favorite

  (318): View more from Louisiana

  I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (318): I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case. http://tfl.nu/3tdp
  Replies (11) Good night (1929) Bad night (593)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (716): I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you. http://tfl.nu/7kt1
  Replies (7) Good night (1195) Bad night (574)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow... http://tfl.nu/iqf2
  Replies (5) Good night (1355) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (508): Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives http://tfl.nu/526e
  Replies (5) Good night (389) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (323): I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark. http://tfl.nu/y5i1
  Replies (2) Good night (598) Bad night (296)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (517): Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil. http://tfl.nu/v2cg
  Replies (4) Good night (471) Bad night (295)

Randomize