dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
