"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.