She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay